Motherhood



Sometimes thinking about it, life itself is pretty amazing. In my 20s, before Erin was born, it always take me AT LEAST 1 hour to just put on my make up. Now, in half an hour, I can dress her, wash her, change her nappy, get her milk ready, (meanwhile entertaining her little mind to make sure she has a good and happy start of the day), make her pack lunch, AND dressing myself and put the same amount of make up as I did in my 20s. In less than an hour, I can do all that, including walking her to school and back home to make myself a cuppa tea.

I know some people are scared of having children, fearing the child will drain all your energy away (in some ways maybe true but you'll recover very quickly). Your child in truth is your ultimate secret weapon, they increase your potential, expand your threshold, make you to be creative, strong like you never know before, and make you know no boundaries. Now I finally learnt the underlying meanings on why people says it's a blessing to have children.

Happiness Tips #1



Our modern society has made people to compare what they have and what they don't have in material too much. Because if people are happy with themselves deep inside, it's not great for business and the economy. Companies who sell anti-aging cream, quick diet tea, or the most "up-to-date" mobile technology won't able to make people buy their products any more.

 The greatest lesson to happiness I've learnt in life, is to stop comparing to other people. 

 Don't compare with other people for what they have that you don't have. 

 Don't forget you have something other people don't! 

 If you think other people has something you haven't got, take it as inspiration. 
Not jealousy or descending to lack of confidence. 

 We are defined by our spirits, not how much stuff we can't take it to the grave with us.

9 Life Principals



1/.
Don't expect any help financially from anyone.
No one ever feel they have enough money, even billionaire.

You will be more happy that you can support yourself rather than being supported by someone else for whatever you need in life. There is nothing better than having full control of your own life, because you won't have to feel you are under someone's thumb. You can be whoever you wanted to be, not affected by anyone else at all.

Remember, everything else except the things you needed to survive (i.e. a roof over your head, food and clothing that you get to wear), outside all these are just novelty. They are things that won't matter anymore when you died one day, don't spend all your hard earned money on them.

Each one of us can only eat, wear and live with a small amount and space. Why have 500 pieces of different clothing when you will only get to wear 10 of them? Our stomach can only fit in food that is the size of our fist for us to survive. And each of us only take up to a small living space.

Give them to the people who need it more than you do.

(Learn how to give, share and support others).


2/.
Getting help from friends is nice, but it's not their duty.
It may seem getting help from a friend is a natural thing, but remember when someone refuse to help you, they must have their reasons. It doesn't mean they don't want to help.

Always try to put yourself in someone's shoes first, and be understanding whenever someone couldn't help you (there might be valid reasons as to why). People don't owe you.

One has to be generous and lucky enough to be in position to help.

At the same time, remember, never expect anything in return when you helped someone. 
Your reason to help is because you are capable or because someone really deserves your help, but never because you want something in return.

(Learn to understand).


3/.
Life is tough sometimes, and you won't necessary always get help when you needed it.

Only you, yourself can make your life happy, strong, and independent. Your life is in your hands, don't expect others to build it for you. To be able to feel you have absolute control over your own life, is the greatest gift you can give yourself. Don't ever let anyone try to control yours.

"As you grow older, you'll find the two hands that you have, one is for helping yourself, the other is for helping others." - Audrey Hepburn

(Learn to be independent).


4/.
Don't judge people by their look and their wealth.

How wealthy other people is, or how they look in appearance has no business of yours. They won't necessary share a feather with you or be kind to you, so don't make yourself like a dog prancing for treats. You will be surprised sometimes the poorest has more valuable things to share with you, may it be a joke or a great story that will let you learn so much.


(Learn to self respect).


5/.
Don't leave your spiritual friends behind for your rich wealthy friends.

Your wealthy friends might able to take you to amazing places to enjoy nice food and drinks. But they can also bring you a complicated life. A life that is filled only with things money can buy, is content without substance. A person cannot be truly happy, when they can only fill their (spiritually) emptyness  full of earthy possessions.

Your desire is an endless pit, however, your money is not.
If you learn only how to make yourself happy by buying stuff, you will only desire more and more.

You will plummet to the bottom when you realised you don't have an endless source of money. At the end, you'd learn buying to make yourself happy is a trap for making more misery.

True happiness is to have someone who can share laughters and tears with you. You can run with this person with no shoes, but still enjoy each other's companies a great deal. That's what money can't buy!

(Learn to differentiate who is good or bad for you). 


6/.
You can believe in the purest, exciting and dramatic love.

That however, only belongs in stories, like Romeo and Juliet, for they lived a very short life.
Or stories like the Disney princesses, for their stories always ended when they get married.

But life doesn't stop after getting married. We live a much longer life than Romeo and Juliet, life is real, and is full of small and challenging stuff. Real people's lives are a tree in the wild, not fireworks gone in the sky and lasts only 5 seconds.

Everything you have, it's either you worked very hard for it, or someone else like your parents worked very hard to earn it for you.

(Learn to appreciate).


7/.
No matter the reasons how you got married or have children, or just being part of the family you are in, you have the duty to love this family, everyone in it, and the responsibility to make this home filled with your love. It doesn't matter how small or simple it is, your home is what you make it is. Do the best with what you can, for a child and yourself can only thrive in a loving home.

A loving home will give you endless source of power to deal with anything in the outside world. So before conquering the world, make your home filled with love and care.

(Learn to take responsibility).


8/.
We all grow old one day, our skin will go wrinkly, teeth will be weak, hair turning white or falling off. Youth passes us by every single second, every minute, every hour. Time does not wait for anyone, so make good use of your time. Don't sleep it away, or waste it on things that is not real (like video games).

Read a good book, let your imagination run wild, learn something useful. Let good knowledge and philosophy filled within you, and be happy and satisfied for what you've earned in life. Our body is just a mortal coil, that everyone of us will fade away like dust one day, don't clang on wilting jar, pay attention to what's inside!

(Learn to grow old gracefully).


9/.
Do not get stubborn and holding tight on everything earthy possessions that you have.

As a human and a living being, we only spend about 70-80 years on earth, lucky if you get 90. We all die one day, while some earthy possessions is important (maybe on a sentimental level), we cannot take them away with us when we die.

Leave a legacy behind you, let people remember who you are that they cherish you for. Your spirits live on in your children and grandchildren. They are made of you and will be part of you that will go on forever.

(Learn how to let it go).

Victim


In our life, as you grow older and older,
you'll find yourself often a victim of some sort.

A victim of a heart breaker,
A victim of mischief,
A victim of an accident,
A victim of deceit, etc.

The list could go on forever.

The thing is, EVERYONE has been a victim of some sort.

We all got hurt some where, in different parts of our lives.
The key is, don't sulk yourself into the hurtfulness for eternity.

Get upset about it, have a good cry.
Then use your energy to do something about it.
Turn the unfortunate into something that might be meaningful,
or even useful to other people.

It is important that we don't lose ourselves,
and don't let things to change what you can do.

Take it in as an experience, be vigilant, and stay positive!
A smile and a spirit to take on any challenge is the best insult to misery.
Tomorrow is another day!

You'll love what you can do for yourself,
and you'll be proud of yourself to have the ability to pull yourself up,
and refuse to be a victim forever.

Be a winner for yourself. Not for anyone.

And no matter what, your family will always love!


xxx

In the darkest hour...


The Underground Railroad, painted by Charles T. Webber, 1891
This 1891 painting shows Levi and Catherine Coffin helping fugitive slaves to safety. 
Webber was a friend of the Coffins.

“It is in the darkest hour, when we are faced with our deepest most wrenching fears, that we are given the greatest strength. The choice is whether we succumb to the fear or rise with courage to face our truth and shine our brilliance as our sword of valor.” 
― Monika Zands

 The world is in a lot of chaos since the past decade, and it seems it continued to spiral into more conflicts and problems. I hope by the time you grew up, and have a foot in the society, the world is in a lot better place. 

 Everyone faces the darkest of time maybe once or more in their lives, remember never give in to fear, no matter what people trying to make you scare of something, don't lose your way, you should always uphold the principal of humanity. The moment you give in to your fear, the moment you'll lose what's most important as part of humanity.

 We don't ceased to help people, because we are afraid.
Fear is a radical thing, it only exists because you think it is there,

 Fear doesn't stop you to love someone because you are afraid of being heart broken.
Fear shouldn't stop you to become who you want to be, because you fear you might fail.
Nonetheless, fear shouldn't stop you to help someone or to do the right thing,
just because someone believed they might get hurt.

 You can choose to be the coward and react by fear,
or you can be the brave warrior to defend the oppressed.

 I'm afraid there is no black and white in this world, but a lot of grey areas.
But fact is fact, if one violates the nature of rights,
you are right to defend it.

 Be the star in the darkest hour of the night sky,
don't be the black cloud that blocks the lights leading the ways for others.
xxx





Fall in Love ... but Don't Fall CRAZILY in Love


You will fall in love many times in your life time.
Each time, it will make you feel a little different about falling in love.

Perhaps, as you grow older, you will becoming more and more scare of falling in love.
We all do.
But don't be.

One of the most important thing I learned in life is that don't let your experience to define you.
Let who you want to be and to become to define you.

Experience is supposed to make you smarter,
not to make you scare as you take every step and every decision.

Fall in love is a wonderful thing.
The stars you see in each other's eyes, the sweetest smile you have on your face.
Everything just feel so natural and meant to be.
So don't be scare to fall in love.

As a woman, the most important thing is NOT to fall in love CRAZILY
at the beginning.

Because when you fall in love crazily, you lose yourself completely,
and that person you are in love with, can't see who you are anymore.
How can you expect that person to fall crazily in love just as you do?
In the essence, it is NOT TO LOSE YOURSELF even when you are in love.

On occasions, you might experience,
there is a wrong time to fall in love crazily, or sometimes the wrong person.
The only way to prevent a hard painful fall, is when the timing is right.
Open your eyes, and see the person's inside.

We are a creature fill with a complexity of emotions,
and we are generally perceived as sensitive beings,
and with great sympathy and compassion.
These are the tools (if you embrace it),
one day they will be the most useful tool to help you cope better when you become a mother, a partner or a wife. 

While some tools are useful at something, it has its cons too.
They are also why sometimes we are so blind to facts,
sometimes we even choose to ignore it.

Control your pounding heart, and get to know the person first.
If you can't even be friends with that person,
you can forget about falling crazily in love with that person.

Don't fill all sort of fantasy into a person you don't know,
they are a smoke screen, a fantasy you create to suit your imagination.

Consider these aspects:
They could be good looking, see if they also have a kindred heart.
They might be saying the sweetest things in the world, see if their actions say otherwise.
They are being very nice to you, see how they treat other people, especially the different kind to themselves.
Do they respect you, just as who you are?

Only time can tell if a person is right for you.
Carry yourself with self-respect, and never lower yourself, your expectations and perceptions for anyone.

Find someone who can have fun with you, who can make you laugh whole heartedly,
and who can grow older, wiser and maturer together with.

Lastly and most importantly,
don't forget you have a life to live and a future you are longing for too.
Don't give up the life you want because of the person you fall in love with.
That person is supposed to have the same aspects, value and expectations in life just like you do.

I Choose ...



To live by choice, not by chance.
To be motivated, not manipulated.
To be useful, not used.
To make changes, not excuses.
To excel, not compete.

I choose self-esteem, not self-pity.
I choose to listen to my inner voice,
not to random opinions of others.

- Unknown Author -
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